Most viewed jokes

"Outside a dog, a book is a great companion. Inside a dog, it's pretty dark!"

President Clinton was seen walking around the White House one day recently. Laying across one shoulder was a pair of ladies nylon panties.

Nervously one White House Aide approach the President and asked about the panties.

- Oh those - Replied the President.

- I'm trying to quit. That's the patch.

Did you hear about the new computer virus?

It's called the "Lorena Bobbit Virus".

Apparently, it turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy!

What did the black baby say to its mother when it had diarrhea?
→ "Mommy, I'm melting!!!"

What goes 99 click?
→ A centipede with a wooden leg.

The Madam opens the brothel door to see an elderly man standing in the doorway. His clothes are all dishevelled and he looks...well, "needy".

- Can I help you? - the Madam asks.

- I want Natalie - the old man replies.

- Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps someone else...?

- No. I want Natalie.

Just then, Natalie appears and tells the old man that she charges $ 1,000 per hour. Without so much as a blink he reaches into his pocket and pulls out ten crisp new $ 100 bills. The two go up to her room for an hour, whereupon he calmly leaves.

The next night the old man appears again demanding Natalie. Natalie explains that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, that there are no discounts and that the rate is still $ 1,000 for one hour. But once again, he takes out the money. The two go up to the room and he calmly leaves an hour later.

When he shows up for the third consecutive night, no one can believe it. Again he hands Natalie the money and up to the room, they go. At the end of the hour, Natalie decides to question the old man:

- I'm not used to having the same customer come back three nights in a row. Do you mind if I ask where you're from?

- I am from Minsk.

- Really - replies Natalie.

- I have a sister who lives there.

- I know - says the old man.

- She gave me $ 3,000 to give to you.

Patient walks into a doctor's office.

- Doctor, people ignore me.

- Next!

This guy decides to get a sex change. So he goes to the doctors and has the thing done. A couple of weeks later he was talking to one of his old buddies about it.

- Gee, it must have really hurt when they shot all that silicon into your chest to make your breasts.

- Not really, I hardly felt it.

- Well, it must have really hurt when they chopped off your manhood!

- Nope, I didn't really feel it either. The only thing that really hurt was when they drilled a hole in my skull and sucked out half my brain!

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
→ She gave herself a tonsilectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift!

- I heard the Warden's daughter up and married a guy down on Cellblock D. The Warden's mighty upset about it too.

- Why? Because she married a con?

- No. Because they eloped!