Most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the stupid Kamikaze pilot?
He flew 57 missions!

Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, "I'll climb this tree and shake the branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack." "But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assisant. "If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog."

Martin asked David, "In which state does the Ohio River run?" David answered with cool, "In the liquid state."

Terry and Debbie were camping with their parents deep in the woods.

- How far is it to town? - Terry wanted to know.

- Six miles, - said Debbie.

- That's too far to walk, - Terry replied.

- It's not too bad, - Debbie said.

- We can each walk three miles!

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence Day?
→ The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!

When does a dog go "moo"?
→ When it is learning a new language!

I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife won't give him a divorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a happy man.

What is 61 to a blonde?
→ She wants 8 (ate) more.

- My dance partner dumped me for my best friend.

- Why? Was he a better dancer?

- Don't know, I never met him.

A young man comes home and says:

- Dad, I just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car.

Father replies:

- O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make sure the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see.

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand:

- Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?

Father replies:

- That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair.

Son says:

- But, dad, Jesus had long hair.

Father replies:

- Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went.