Most viewed jokes

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Alfred!

- Alfred who?

- Alfred of the dark!

Did you hear about the rookie Rhode Island cop who gave out twenty-two parking tickets before he found out he was at a drive-in movie?

Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
→ Because they have cotton balls.

How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
→ Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

What do a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
→ They can both smell it but they can't eat it.

On the first day his son joined the family firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and said:

- I am going to give you your very first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof.

Reluctantly, the boy went to stand on the edge of the roof.

- Now - said his father - when I say, Jump, I want you to jump off the roof.

- But, Dad - said the boy - there's a huge drop!

- Do you want to succeed in business?

- Yes, Dad.

- And you trust me, don't you?

- Yes, Dad.

- So do as I say and jump.

The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His father went racing down the stairs and ran up to him.

- That was your first lesson in business, son. Never trust anyone.

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him:

- Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!

- Really? - he said.

Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says:

- Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?

The clerk replies:

- Canned or frozen?

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

- Boss - he says.

- We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.

- We're short-handed, Smith - the boss replies.

- I can't give you the day off.

- Thanks, boss - says Smith.

- I knew I could count on you!

Stay out of sight - Lei Lo

Old English Churches by Beverley Minster