Most viewed jokes

- Boy 1: How did you get that bruise on your arm?

- Boy 2: I ate some Easter candy.

- Boy 1: Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise.

- Boy 2: It will if it's your big brother's candy!

What's pink, has five toes, and is carried by the Easter Bunny?
→ His lucky people's foot!

What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow?
→ Slush puppies!

- Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift!

- Well tell her to come in

- I can't she doesn't stop at this floor!

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says:

- Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says:

- I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you.

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels.

She says:

- I want the house. Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says:

- I want the kids too. The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.

She says:

- I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too. The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says:

- Is there anything you want?

The husband says:

- No, I've got everything I need right here.

She asks:

- What's that?

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph:

- I've got the airbag!

Why do saunas remind some people of blonde's?
→ Because they're both steaming and wet when you enter, and they don't mind if you bring friends.

What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday?
→ A merry dairy!

- Policeman: Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

- Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

- I need someone with an accounting degree - the man said.

- But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me.

- Excuse me? - the accountant said.

- I worry about a lot of things - the man said.

- But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.

- I see - the accountant said.

- And how much does the job pay?

- I'll start you at eighty thousand.

- Eighty thousand dollars! - the accountant exclaimed.

- How can such a small business afford a sum like that?

- That - the owner said - is your first worry.

The Japenese Way of Death by Harri Kirri