Most viewed jokes

Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
→ Not if you are the groom.

How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
→ At least one within a week of the wedding.

What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
→ Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post".

What does SWM stand for in a personal column advertisement?
→ Sneaking While Married

Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
→ Two mother-in-law's!

A man can actually cater to a woman's every need, so long as all that she wants is to have sex, go to ball games, and bring him a beer.

From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 31, 1995
Top Ten Signs You're Not The Sexiest Man Alive

10. When people see you, they often ask, "Is it Halloween already?"
11. You appear in TV Guide crossword puzzle with the clue, "Siskel and ___"
12. The best term to describe you is "super hairy".
13. You parachuted into Super Bowl with a dog and a bag of pretzels.
14. Photos of you used as a birth-control device.
15. You take a stroll and the local zoo is flooded with calls about an escaped orangutan.
16. As you walk toward rack of Speedos, you hear clerks murmuring, "Oh God, no".
17. Your name is Tom Wilkins and you're seated in the 6th row of the Ed Sullivan Theater.
18. Hookers always telling you "Not on the first date".
19. Richard Simmons never follows you home.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
→ "Nice tits!"

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells:

- When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'

- Yeah? - she replies. - When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'

When fish play football, who is the captain?
→ The team's kipper!

Which insect didn't play well in goal?
→ The fumble bee!

What do you give a sick snake?
→ Asp-rin!