Most viewed jokes

Taming Wild Cats by Claude Face

Food on the Table by E. Tittup

Did you hear about the blonde who put "Sagittarius" at the bottom of application forms where it said "Sign Here".

Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
→ They're too hard to peel.

How do you make a Kleenex dance?
→ Put a little boogie in it.

There was a blonde driving a ferrari. A cop pulls her over for speeding, the cop asks:

- can I see your license and registration please!

The blonde responds:

- license and registration what is that?

The cop respnds:

- you will find your license in your purse and registration in your glove compartment.

The cop gets the license and registration and goes back to the car, and he calls dispatcher and reports it. The dispatcher replies:

- this wouldnt be a blonde in a ferrari would it?

The cop replies:

- yes it is.

The dispatcher says:

- go back to her car and drop your pants.

The cop responds back:

- I cant do that!

The dispatcher says:

- trust me, just do it!

then the cop replies:

- ok whatever you say!

So he walks back to her car, and drops his pants. The blonde turns around and says:

- oh no, not another breathalizer test!

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

You're in a room with no doors and no windows, and all you have is a baseball bat. How do you get out?
→ Strike 1! Strike 2! Strike 3! You're out!

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 11-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought:

- Great...he's 11 and now I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer.

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said:

- Well son, do you have any questions?

- Just one Dad - gasped the still wide-eyed lad.

Just as the father is preparing his birds and bees story, his son asks:

- How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?

One day, a man walked into the dentist's office for some dental work.

The dentist said:

- Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?

The man looked at the dentist and said:

- None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life.

The dentist said:

- Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller.

The man looked back at the dentist and said:

- I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare.

The dentist said:

- Sir, I'm telling you, use a painkiller.

The man again said to the dentist:

- I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth.

The dentist then said:

- Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?

The man said:

- Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking through the woods, the urge came upon me and I headed over to a tree. Well, I started to do my thing, and when the first part dropped, It set off a large bear trap that was hidden in the snow that closed on my balls. That was the second greatest pain in my life.

The dentist then said:

- Ouch! But then what was the first greatest pain in your life?

The man replied:

- When I reached the end of the chain.