Most viewed jokes

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

- 29 have been accused of spousal abuse

- 7 have been arrested for fraud

- 19 have been accused of writing bad checks

- 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

- 3 have done time for assault

- 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

- 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

- 8 have been arrested for shoplifting

- 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

- 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
→ Addercadabra and abradacobra.

- Teacher: Make up a sentence using the word lettuce!

- Pupil: Let us out of school early!

Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later!

- Principal: I've called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn't use so often. One is "great" and the other is "lousy."

- Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?

What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples?
→ A senior high school math problem.

A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil.

- And who was it that developed the theories behind communism? - the professor asked.

- I don't know - the student said.

- Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Reebs, you would know - said the professor.

- That's not true - the student replied.

- I never pay attention anyway!

- I'm not going back to school ever again

- Why ever not?

- The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!

Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
→ Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!

What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
→ A nun rolling down a hill.