Most viewed jokes

What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan?
→ It took ears off his life!

- Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?

- Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears.

What is the Easter Bunny's favourite kind of story?
→ A cotton tale!

What has eighteen legs and fetches a ball?
→ The Philadelphia Beagles!

What should you do if you see a vicious dog?
→ Hope he doesn't see you.

- Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet.

- Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease!

How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None, the sockets go with the house.

A young woman goes to her doctor complaining that the insides of her upper thighs have turned green.
The doctor examined her and asked her if by any chance she went out with a Romany.
When she said yes the doctor said:

- Well tell him his ear rings aren't real gold!!!

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist:

- Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.

A ninety-year-old man was accused of raping a twenty-year-old.

- So, did you do it? - his lawyer asked.

- Of course not - the old man replied.

- But I was so flattered, I pleaded guilty.

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet.

- Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army - the general said - Nothing to it - you'll catch on again fast.

Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said:

- OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you.