When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one.
Randall, an old rancher, stood up.
- Ah think we should keep the old truck - he said.
- We can use it for all them false alarms!
A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting:
- Don't dive - there's no water in that pool!
- That's all right - said the man.
- I can't swim!
A man walks into a palm reader store and asks the reader:
- Could you read my palm?
He shows his hand to her, and she says:
- But... I can't read your hand.
- Why? - the man asks.
- I don't understand your handwriting - the woman replies.
What kind of bell doesn't ring?
→ A dumbbell.
Why did the horse stir his cereal with his hoof?
→ Because he wanted to feel his oats!
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
→ Because there were so many knights!
What side of a monster has more hair?
→ The outside!
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat.
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly:
- I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?
- Of course - the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively:
- Don't touch me! I'm on a disability pension. - he cried.
An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.
A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said:
- Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?
The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.
A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand.
- What are you doing? - asked the rancher again.
As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that's why he had the bread.
Finally the Irishman appeared, dragging a car door through the sand.
More curious than ever, the rancher asked:
- Hey, why are you dragging that car door?
- Well - he said - I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I'll roll down the window.
Why is a dog like a baseball player?
→ He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
