A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem-a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change.
- When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.
- You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.
I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire, but I've only come up with one: Lying.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
→ To get away from the bagpipe recital.
What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto?
→ Music Minus One.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
→ Miami mice!
Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
→ You only have to teach them to take off.
How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Only one, but it takes him seven weeks to get there.
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
- Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.
- Oh, he didn't kill himself - Mr. Haroldson replied.
- I hung him up to dry.
- Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.
- What do you mean by that?
