A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
- What's going on? - she yells out the window.
- Cow on the track! - replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells:
- What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?
Falling from a Window by Eileen Dowt
How many blonde jokes are there?
→ One - the rest are all true.
- Have you heard my knock-knock joke? - asked the blonde.
- No - said the brunette.
- Okay - said the blonde - you start.
How do blonde brain cells die?
→ Alone
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do:
- Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?
The blonde said:
- How about 50 dollars?
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband:
- Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?
The man replied:
- She should, she was standing on it.
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
- You're finished already? - he asked.
- Yes - the blonde answered - and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
- And by the way - the blonde added - it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari.
- Will you come to my party on Saturday?
- Yes, please. What's the address?
- 25 The High Street. Just push the bell with your elbow.
- Why with my elbow?
- Well, you won't be empty-handed, will you!
I put a blank cassette tape in my tape stereo last night and turned the volume all the way up....the mime next door went nuts!
Little miss muffet... sat on her tuffet... eating her kurds and way.
Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and said:
- hey, whatsin the bowl bitch?!
There's this couple and they've been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she won't sleep with him because she's saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, he's very hot and bothered, and he said:
- Oh come on, just a feel.
She said:
- No, I'm saving myself for marriage.
They went back and forth. He said:
- Just one feel, I promise, that's all, just one feel.
She finally agreed:
- Okay, just one feel, but that's all, just one, I'm saving myself for marriage.
So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks:
- Can't we please?
She of course states:
- NO, I'm saving myself for marriage.
He says:
- Please, please?
and she says:
- No, absolutely not, I'm saving myself for marriage.
He says:
- How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?
She says:
- No way, I'm saving myself for marriage.
He begs and pleads with her:
- I promise, just the tip, no more, and we'll stop after that.
She finally gives in:
- Okay, but just the tip, no more, and that's all.
He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in... he's so hot and ready that he can't control himself shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town... she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts:
- OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!
A little stunned, he says:
- NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!
