Most viewed jokes

What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?
→ A mouse sandwich!

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?
→ The candle is a thousand times brighter!

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother:

- Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word:

- That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you.

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out:

- WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!

My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that.

She said:

- Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cliff

- Cliff who?

- Cliff hanger!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bruno

- Bruno who?

- Bruno more tea for me!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Berlin

- Berlin who?

- Berlin maiden over!

What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken?
→ Enough drumsticks to feed an army!

Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet?

- Why are we running so fast?

- Because it says:

- Tear along the dotted line