Guest
Snowman's Burger Order
What did the snowman order at MacDonalds?
→ Icerbergers with chilli sauce!
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Guest
Month With 28 Days
- Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days?
- Pupil: All of them!
Mugged On The Way
- Teacher: Where is your homework?
- Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
Stranded In Hawaii
A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.
The reply came back shortly:
- Begin vacation as of yesterday.
Guest
Trumpeters And Birth Control
What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
→ Their personality.
Guest
GI Insurance Sales
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said:
- If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.
- Now - he concluded - which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?
Guest
Kangaroo In The Office
A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leading a kangaroo.
- I'm worried about my husband, doctor - she said.
- He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo!
Men Are Like Power Tools
Men are like power tools.
They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.
Guest
Bottle Of Brandy
A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied.
- The judge'll kill me. Trying to bribe him! We're dead!
- I don't think so - his attorney told him.
- I sent it in the other lawyer's name!
Guest
Knock Knock Bologna
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Bologna
- Bologna who?
- Bologna & cheese!