Most viewed jokes

- Teacher: The word politics - can you give me an example of how to use it?

- Pupil: My parrot swallowed a watch and now Polly ticks!

- Teacher: What is a comet?

- Pupil: A star with a tail

- Teacher: Can you name one?

- Pupil: Lassie!

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:

- Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.

- Yes, sir - the boys said.

- Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?

A little fellow shouted:

- It's because yer feet ain't empty.

- Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.

- Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
→ Bugs Bunny.

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.

The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

- This guy must have screwed up the settings - the off-duty officer thought.

A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets:

Each for not wearing a seat belt!

Which of these jokes do the pigs like best?
→ The corniest ones.

When pigs get a toothache, who do they see?
→ Painless Porker.

Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son:

- Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?

A few minutes later, Timmy returned.

- Well, - asked Mrs. Silver - is she all right?

- She's fine, except that she's angry at you.

- At me? - the woman exclaimed.

- Whatever for?

- She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,' - snickered Timmy.

- Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank!

- And how long have you had this complaint?

- What complaint?