Most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect?
→ The Masked-quito!

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life?
→ Tell him a joke when he's a baby!

A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how tired she looked.

- Yeah - she said.

- I didn't sleep well last night, I had this really strange dream.

- Do tell - said her neighbor, pouring the coffee.

- Well, I dreamed I woke up and went downstairs as usual, but when I looked in the mirror my face had turned orange, and my hair was sticking straight up out of my head and was green!

- Sounds like you turned into a punk rocker or something - the neighbor said, with a grin.

- No - she said.

- It wasn't like that. It was as if I knew something was wrong, but it seemed normal somehow, you know what I mean?

- Sure - said the neighbor.

- Everybody's had dreams like that.

- Well anyway - she continued.

- I decided to go down and get the mail, because even in my dream, I figured I must be dreaming, so what the heck if I was orange, you know? So I walk down and get my mail, and I keep feeling everybody looking at me!

- Then I get a good look at myself in the big window in front of the store, and I'll be darned if I wasn't a carrot! It was such a shock I stumbled backwards and got hit by a truck driven by that nice doctor down the street. The last thing I remember before I woke up was him bending over me, telling me his diagnosis.

- Wow - laughed the neighbor.

- Did you live?

- Yeah, I lived - sighed the girl.

- But the doctor said I'd be a vegetable the rest of my life.

Where do you take a sick horse?
→ To the Horspital!

Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette?
→ He didn't have enough money tabaccer!

Why don't ghosts make good magicians?
→ You can see right through their tricks.

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
→ A frog with hiccups!

Where do fish wash?
→ In a river basin!

Why does an elephant wear sneakers?
→ So that he can sneak up on mice!