The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.
- Ma, - he shouted - the results are in. I won the election!
- Honestly?
The politician's smiled faded.
- Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?
- Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads.
- Dad: No, I'm not coming out. She's going to have to learn to look after herself.
- Come here, you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs.
- It's all right Dad, I know how!
Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: "Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"
What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test?
→ Drool.
When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building, which one hits the pavement first?
→ Who cares!
Where do space monsters live?
→ In far distant terror-tory.
- Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster?
- Girl: Really? What kind of fur?
- Boy: As fur away as possible!
How do you address a monster?
→ Very politely.
What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
→ He got atomic ache.
