Most viewed jokes

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
→ To see what was on the other side.

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

• The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant
  or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
• The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
• The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture
  or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.
• The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
• The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
• The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
• The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
• The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
• The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
• The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
• The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
• The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess:

- What's that stuff on those hills?

- Just snow - replied the stewardess.

- That's what I thought - said the lady - but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece.

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.

- What does the cow say?

- Moo!

- Great! What does the cat say?

- Meow.

- Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied:

- Bud.

Fred goes to a doctor and says:

- Doc, I want to be castrated.

Doc says:

- Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation.

- Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it? - Fred

Doc says:

- Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but OK.

He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up.

- Well, Doc, how'd it go? - Fred asks.

- It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my...

- CIRCUMCISED! - yells Fred.

- THAT'S the word!!!

Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek?
→ Nobody will look for them.

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Marie Antionette Barbie ...with removable head; guillotine included

A January 1994 Reuters News Service story on Manuel Oliveira's ice cream shop in Merida, Venezuela, reported on his 567 flavors, including onion, chili, beer, eggplant, smoked trout, spaghetti parmesan, chicken with rice, and spinach. He said some flavors fail; he once abandoned avocado ice cream, and tossed out 99 pounds of it, because it wasn't smooth enough.

I can't help but wonder sometimes though why lovemaking is almost always referred to in theatrical terms. For example, surely you've heard men refer to their "performance". Well, even these days I don't have a lot of trouble with that.

But... since I'm now past fifty, the "encores" are getting tuffer and tuffer.