Most viewed jokes

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said:

- I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said:

- My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said:

- Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack.

How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?
→ His lips start moving.

Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c u r yy 4 me.
→ Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are too wise for me.

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?
→ So that they can pack the defence!

- Golfer: I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake.

- Caddy: I doubt you could keep your head down that long.

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said:

- You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree.

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment:

- Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.

What stories are told by basketball players?
→ Tall stories!

- Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school?

- Pupil: I don't know

- Teacher: Correct!

- Teacher: Where is the English Channel?

- Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up

At what time of day was Adam born?
→ Just before Eve.