Most viewed jokes

How do sheep sign their e-mails?
→ Ewes sincerely.

How do really posh dogs send messages?
→ By predigree-mail.

What is a dog's favourite sport?
→ Formula 1 drooling!

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman and your brother."

What did the banana say to the vibrator?
→ - I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna EAT me!

- Policeman: Why were you driving around in circles and laughing?

- Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round.

The boss called one of his employees into the office.

- Rob - he said, you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department.

- Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.

- What do you say to that?

- Thanks - said the employee.

- Thanks? - the boss replied.

- Is that all you can say?

- I suppose not - the employee said.

- Thanks, Dad.

Who do hamburgers love on TV?
→ Archie Bunker's son-in-law, the meathead!

Where does a burger feel at home?
→ On the range!

I've Been Bitten! by A. Flea