Most viewed jokes

Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet?
→ The one with the biggest head.

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
→ Fang letters!

- Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of

- Pupil: Life imprisonment!

- How are you doing in arithmetic?

- I've learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

- Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test!

- Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!

- Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?

- Son: She took it like a lamb

- Teacher: Really?, what did she say?

- Son: Baa!

Two little boys were visiting their grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn't make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.
Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said:

- Just bring them bread and water.

One of the little boys looked up and quavered:

- Can I have ketchup on it?

Why was the restaurant called "Out of this World"?
→ Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile:

- I gladdened seven hearts today.

- Seven hearts? - asks the friend.

- How did you do that?

The rabbi strokes his beard and replies:

- I performed three marriages.

The friend looks at him quizically.

- Seven? - he asks.

- I could understand six, but...

- What do you think - says the rabbi - that I do this for free?

An old drunk stumbles into a confessional.
After not hearing anything for a while the Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no paper in here either.