Most viewed jokes

What do cows do for entertainment?
→ They go to the mooooovies.

Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?
→ I wouldn't fit through the door.

- Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel?

- I should say not, on my salary!

Don't Wake the Baby by Elsie Cries

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?

Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
→ They are for those who don't drink!

Why don't blondes like buttered toast?
→ They can't figure out which side the butter goes on.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said:

- Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?

Little Johnny quickly replied:

- NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!

Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God".

- Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here - God said to her.

- Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks - God said.

- We love and cherish ducks here.

So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him.

Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing:

- Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks.

So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man.

The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing:

- DON'T STEP on the ducks.

Finally, a few weeks lateer, Olivia and Sarah are with their ugly men and they run into Jenn. And Jenn is with the most gorgeous guy that anyone had seen.

- How did you get so lucky and have such a hot guy? - Sarah asked her.

And the gorgeous guy looks up and says:

- I stepped on a Duck!

In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "THINK!"

The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "THOAP!"