Guest
When Vampires Bite
When do vampires bite you?
→ On Wincedays.
Most viewed jokes
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Guest
Stranded On An Island
A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself:
- It's not a ship.
The speck gets a little closer and he thinks:
- It's not a boat.
The speck gets even closer and he thinks:
- It's not a raft.
Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says:
- How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?
- Ten years! - he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says:
- Man, oh man! Is that good!
Then she asked:
- How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?
He replies:
- Ten years!
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says:
- Wow, that's fantastic!
Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him:
- And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?
And the man replies:
- Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!
The Astronomer
What is an astronomer?
→ A night watchman with a college education.
Astronaut Warmth
- Teacher: What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm?
- Girl: Apollo neck jumpers?
Guest
Civil Serpent
What do you call a snake who works for the governement?
→ A civil serpent!
Guest
Math Books
What did one math book say to the other?
→ Man I got a lot of problems!
Paying Attention
- Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention
- Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can!
Reading Aloud
- Teacher: What are you reading?
- Pupil: I dunno!
- Teacher: But you're reading aloud!
- Pupil: But I'm not listening!
Guest
Counting With Mistakes
The teacher was reviewing counting with her first-grade class.
- Jackie, can you count to 10 without mistakes? - she asked.
- Yes - said Jackie, and she did.
- Now, Fred, can you count from 10 to 20? - said the teacher.
- That depends, with or without mistakes! - said Fred.
Guest
Bug On My Wife
- Waiter, what is this bug doing on my wives shoulder!
- I don't know - friendly thing isn't he!