Most viewed jokes

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.

- You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it.

- Oh yes dear, what happened?

- I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.

- Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them?

- Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off.

How can you tell an old person from a young person?
→ An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same time.

How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?
→ You can almost hear them.

How many Studio Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ We don't know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives.

How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Nine........one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.

If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies?
→ Cranes.

- First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me.

- Second monster: Well you'd better roll them back to her, she might need them.

What did the man do when he got a big gas bill?
→ He exploded.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
→ Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
→ Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.