Most viewed jokes

- Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer.

- Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.

What happened when Dumbo went to a mind reader?
→ They gave him his money back.

Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?
→ Because sheep would be too obvious

A Maintenance Battalion in Germany had just received a brand new Executive Officer, an Armor Major. The Major proceeded to issue new SOP directives (Standard Operating Procedures) that WOULD be followed under all circumstances. One of these directives was that NO ONE over the rank of Staff Sergeant would drive their own vehicle, that was what the lower enlisted were for.

One morning, the Master Sergeant in charge of the S-2 shop of the battalion had an intel report that was due at Division Headquarters within the hour, and his clerk, a PFC, was off that morning because of duty the night before. The Sergeant felt that he had no choice, the report HAD to get to Division; so he got into his Jeep and started to Division Headquarters.

As he got to the gate, the XO stopped him. In a very sarcastic voice he said:

- Aren't we paying our drivers a lot these days?

The NCO, without missing a beat replied:

- Not at all, Sir, when you consider what we are paying gate guards.

Men are like coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

What do you call a Welshman who writes lots of letters?
→ Pen Gwyn!

What word grows smaller when you add two letters to it?
→ Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
→ From chasing parked ambulances.

Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the third thing they look up?
→ Because the first thing a child looks up is "dog." The second is "snake." And under snake, the encyclopedia says "See Lawyer."

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bruce

- Bruce who?

- I Bruce easily, don't hit me!