What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck!
How many Newfies does it take to change a flat tire?
→ Five. One to seal the inner tube and four to club the seal.
What is the definition of mass confusion?
→ Father's day in Harlem!
Did you hear about the Indian who couldn't tell heads from tails? You should have seen the scalps he took!
A Mexican tried to get into the United States. He was stopped at the border and questioned as to why he wanted in this country and how long he would stay.
He told them that he wanted to live there and become a citizen. The officer said:
- Okay, if you use yellow, pink, and green in a sentence, I will let you in.
The Mexican thought and thought. He finally said:
- The telephano goes green, green, green. So I pink it up and say 'YELLOW'!
This guy gets a map of Canada tattooed on his butt. The only trouble is that every time he takes a dump, Quebec separates.
An American walking through the streets of London, passed under Canary Wharf (London's biggest building). As he stood there looking up, a kid joined him.
After a while, the American turned to the kid and said:
- Do you realize, son, that we have buildings like that in the States, only they're three times the size?
- I'm not surprised - said the kid.
- That's a Lunatic Asylum!
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and is told by the maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait and would he like to wait in the bar. So he goes and has a seat at the bar.
The bartender walks up and says with a heavy accent:
- What you dlink?
The man replies:
- Give me a Stoli with a twist.
The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says:
- Once upon time were twee little pigs...
