Most viewed jokes

What do you get when you cross a bunny with an orange?
→ A pip squeak.

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

- Listen - said the shoplifter.

- I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said:

- This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?

An aircraft is about to crash. There are five passengers on board, but unfortunately only 4 parachutes. The first passenger says:

- I'm Shaquille O'Neill, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers need me, it would be unfair to them if I died.

So he takes the first parachute and jumps.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says:

- I am the wife of the former President of the United States. I am also the most dedicated woman in the world, a Senator in New York and America's potential future President

She takes one of the parachutes and jumps.

The third passenger, George W. Bush, says:

- I am the President of the United States of America. I have a huge responsibility in world politics. And apart from that, I am the most intelligent President in the history of the country and I have a responsibility to my people not to die.

So he takes a parachute and jumps.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a ten year old schoolboy:

- I am already old. I have already lived my life, as a good person and a priest I will give you the last parachute

The boy replies:

- No problem your Pope-ness, there is also a parachute for you. America's most intelligent President has taken my schoolbag.

How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.

What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?
→ They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".

What goes "knio, knio?"
→ A backward pig.

What do piggys take when they are sick?
→ Pigicillin!

How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?
→ You can't!

- Fred: I'd love to be an actress.

- Harry: Break a leg then!

- Amy: Whatever for?

- Fred: Then you'd be in a cast for weeks.

How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.