Most viewed jokes

Why do women have tits?
→ So men will talk to them.

Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security.
After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrives at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home:

- will I have to go home and come back now? - he ask.

The woman says:

- unbutton your shirt.

he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says:

- that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me - as she processes his social security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about this experience at social security office. She says:

- you should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.

One day a man was sleeping and the neighbor's little girl entered his house, woke him up and said:

- What is that between your legs?

He replied that is:

- my bird.

He went back to sleep.
She came back later and said:

- What's that furry stuff around your bird?

He replied that's:

- my nest.

So he went back to sleep.
She came back later:

- What's those two things under it?

He said those are:

- the eggs.

She said:

- Okay, can I play with your bird, and he said:

- ok.

When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked:

- what happened?

She said:

- When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy:

- Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient:

- Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager.

The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked:

- All right buddy, what's you're name?

- Sam - the cowboy moaned

- Where ya from, Sam?

With pain in his voice Sam replied....

- The balcony.

What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?
→ An encownter group.

Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car.

- Oh, Gladys - said her friend,

- you've lost your engine!

- Never mind dear - said auntie.

- I've got a spare one in the trunk.

Why couldn't the skeleton pay his bus fare?
→ Because he was skint.

How does a blonde high-5?
→ She smacks herself in the forehead.

Why did the blonde jump off the cliff?
→ She thought her maxi pad had wings

One day a blond went out to check her mail box. There was nothing in it. Her neighbor who was also out there gives her a weird look.

An hour later she goes back out to her mailbox and goes back in cause there was nothing in it and her neighbor goes:

- What the hell is she doing?

An hour later she goes back out side and looks in the mailbox and there is nothing in it. Finally the neighbor gets curious enough to ask her what she is doing. The blone says:

- My stupid computer keeps saying you've got mail.