Most viewed jokes

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.

One blonde yells to the other:

- How do you get to the other side?

- You are on the other side - the other blonde yells back.

What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop.

So I said:

- Hey man, that's my beer.

Then he says:

- No man, that's my beer.

Then the beers say:

- No man, we're our own beers.

That's when we realized we had too many beers.

Suggestions for Guys Golfing or Using A Public Bathroom:

- Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

- Form a loose grip.

- Keep your head down.

- Avoid a quick backswing.

- Stay out of the water.

- Try not to hit anyone.

- If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.

- Don't stand directly in front of others.

- Quiet please!... while others are preparing to go.

- Don't take extra strokes.

- Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

- Not really. It will just seem longer.

There's this old man in a nursing home and he's hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says:

- How about a quickie for twenty bucks?

She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says:

- You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks.

In reply, the nurse says:

- If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!

The new mother got out of bed for the first time since her childbirth dressed in her robe and walked down the hospital hallway to the nurses desk where she asked for a phone book.

- What are you doing out here! You should be in your room resting - the nurse exclaimed.

- I want to search through the phone book for a name for my baby - the new mother replied.

- You don't have to do that here. The hospital furnished a booklet to all new mothers to assist them in picking a first name for their baby.

- You don't understand - the woman said and frowned.

- My baby already has a FIRST name!

The man came home to find evidence that his wife had been unfaithful.

- Was it my friend Steve? - he yelled.

- No - she said.

- Was it my friend James? - he then asked.

- What? - she shouted.

- Don't you think I have any friends of my own?

What do men have difficulty retaining?
a) a job
b) a budget
c) a promise
d) a secret
e) a friendship
f) a marriage
g) an anniversary date
h) a 30-minute erection
i) all of the above

Pick the day you were born on to see what kind of fart you are.

1. AMBITIOUS - Always ready for a fart.
2. LAZY - Just fizzles
3. AMIABLE - Likes to smell others farts
4. SELFISH - Only enjoys smelling own farts
5. CARELESS - Farts in church
6. SMART ALEC - Farts when ladies are present.
7. CLEVER - Farts and coughs at same time
8. SCIENTIFIC - Bottles own farts
9. STINGY - Belches instead of farting to save asshole
10. FOOLISH - Farts and laughs.
11. SHY - Blushes even when farts silently.
12. CONCEITED - Thinks they can fart loudest.
13. UNLUCKY - Tries to fart and shits pants.
14. TIMID - Jumps when farting.
15. BEWILDERED - can't tell own farts from others.
16. SLOVENLY - Farts and fizzles, rots pants.
17. NERVOUS - Stops in middle of fart.
18. MISERABLE - Can't fart
19. CONFUSED - Face looks so much like ass, Farts don't know where to go.
20. GROUCH - Grumbles when ladies fart.
21. SNEAKY - Farts and blames it on the dog.
22. DISAPPOINTED - Their farts don't stink.
23. FRESH GUY - Jumps in front of you and farts.
24. BIG BULLY - Farts louder than everyone else.
25. DELUDED - Enjoys all farts thinking they are their own.
26. CUTE - Discovers from farts what others have eaten.
27. WISE - Farts and say's "Who in hell shit ??"
28. DAMNED MEAN - Farts in bed and pulls covers over wife's head.
29. MUSICAL - Tenor or bass
    Clear as a bell
    Smells like shit
    Sounds like hell.
30. HONEST - Farts and blames in on the hostess.
31. LIVELY - Jumps in air, farts three times, kicks like hell simultaneously.