Most viewed jokes

What stories are told by basketball players?
→ Tall stories!

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
→ Because he liked sole music!

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
→ Ince pies!

What do you call a loony spaceman?
→ An astronut!

Why did the python do national service?
→ He was coiled up!

The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. "The only consolation I can find in these awful grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he never cheated during his exams."

- Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated?

- Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!

- Teacher: Name an animal that lives in Lapland!

- Pupil: A reindeer

- Teacher: Good, now name another.

- Class: Another reindeer!

- Jill: Have you read the Bible?

- Jack: No, I'm waiting for the film to come round.

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So.... he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the associate pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed:

- You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?

The Lord sighed, and said:

- No, I guess not.

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

Saint Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked:

- Why did you let him do that?

The Lord smiled and replied:

- Who's he going to tell?

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said:

- Stop! Don't do it!

- Why shouldn't I?

I said:

- Well, there's so much to live for!

- Like what?

- Well ... are you religious or atheist?

- Religious.

- Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?

- Christian.

- Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?

- Protestant.

- Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?

- Baptist.

- Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?

- Baptist Church of God.

- Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?

- Reformed Baptist Church of God.

- Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?

- Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!

To which I said:

- Die, heretic scum! and pushed him off.