Most viewed jokes

How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm?
→ He has a flashing light.

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.

He walks up to the drivers window and asks:

- You drinkin'?

The driver said:

- You buyin'?

Why did the Davidians commit suicide?
→ They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself:

- I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said:

- Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!

Mildred turned to her and said:

- Oh, am I driving?

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.

The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson?
→ Because he'd already done the sharps and flats.

What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper?
→ Good question. We're still trying to find out too.

What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin?
→ Flatman and Ribbon!

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
→ Because he was a car-case.

Where can you always find money?
→ In the dictionary.