Most viewed jokes

Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The shrink informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. Asking the first patient:

- How much is two plus two?

- Blue.

At which the kind doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room.

Turning to the second patient, he asks what is six minus three? To which the patient replies: Square. Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks:

- How much is five plus five?

The patient answers very confidentally:

- Ten.

The doctor, amazed then inquires how did you figure it out?
The patient:

- Easy. Blue multiplied by square equals ten.

What do you call a man who marries an old, ugly and poor woman?
→ Desperate!

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:

- The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.

The man lowered his head and said:

- Wedding cake.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cumin

- Cumin who?

- Cumin side, its freezing out there!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cheese

- Cheese who?

- Cheese a cute girl!

Why did King Kong paint the bottoms of his feet brown?
→ So that he could hide upside down in a jar of peanut butter.

How do you fix a broken website?
→ With stick e-tape.

Where is Pinocchio's website?
→ On the splinternet.

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic.
My boss said:

- Really? Where is Monosyllabia?

Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied:

- Oh, you mean over by Croatia?

Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?