Most viewed jokes

Why are football players never asked for dinner?
→ Because they're always dribbling!

Who won the race between two balls of string?
→ They were tied!

- I want to be an astronaut when I grow up.

- What high hopes you have!

Why are astronauts successful people?
→ Because they always go up in the world!

What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?
→ Something from another universe-ity!

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said:

- Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window...:

- Pull over!

- No, a pair of socks! - she shouts back.

How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.
→ Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.
→ None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life?
→ Grade six.