Most viewed jokes

- My barber is a specialist in road map shaves.

- How come?

- When he's finished, your face is full of short cuts.

What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony?
→ The Brit Awarts!

What's the difference between a homeless and a pizza?
→ A pizza can feed a family of four.

What will Santa bring your fish this Christmas?
→ A scale letrix!

Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?
→ So he could look like his mama.

Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him?
→ On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Polish Remover".

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God:

- Where were you?

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds:

- Look my child, look what I've just finished making.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said:

- What is it?

God replied:

- It's another planet, but this time, I've decided to put LIFE on it. I've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between evertyhing on it.

- For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - that's going to be a hot spot.

- Now look over here.

- I've put a continent of white people in the North and another one of black people in the South.

And then the archangel said:

- And what's that long white line there?

And God said:

- Ahhh that's the land of the long white cloud - Aotearoa - (New Zealand) that's a very special place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on earth; Beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. These people here are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be fond of travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieveing. And I'm going to give them this superhuman, undefeatable rugby team which will be blessed with the most talented, and charasmatic specimens on the planet, and they will be admired and feared by all who come across them.

Michael the archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed:

- Hold on a second, what about the BALANCE, you said ther was going to be a balance.....

God replied wisely:

- Wait until you see the neighbours I'm going to give them.

Why do elephants eat raw food?
→ Because they don't know how to cook!

How do skunks like their e-mails?
→ Scent.

What should you do if you have a basset hound over for dinner?
→ Have a short table!