There were these three little old ladies sitting on a park bench minding their own business when suddenly a flasher jumped in front of them and exposed himself...the first old lady had a stroke...the second old lady had a stroke...but sadly the third old lady couldn't reach!!!
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
- Listen - said the CEO.
- this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?
- Certainly - the young executive says.
He turns the machine on, inserts the paper, and presses the start button.
- Excellent, excellent! - says the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine.
- I just need one copy.
What happened when the cannibal got a religion?
→ He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Why can't blondes make Kool Aid?
→ Because they can't figure out how to get eight cups of water into that tiny little package.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
→ She burys it.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
→ Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
What did a blind boy's parents do to punish him?
→ Rearranged the furniture
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
- I'm afraid I don't have a husband - she replies.
- O.K. do you have a boyfriend? - asks the Midwife.
- No, no boyfriend either.
- Do you have a partner then?
- No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own.
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman:
- You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black
- Well - replies the girl.
- I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black.
- Oh, I'm very sorry - says the midwife.
- That's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair.
- Well yes - the girl again replies.
- you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?
- Oh, I'm sorry - the midwife repeats.
- that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes.
- Well yes - continues the girl.
- I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice.
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims:
- Thank God for that!
- What do you mean? - says the midwife, shocked.
- WHEW! - says the girl extremely relieved...
- I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark!
Ever notice how so many of women's problems can be traced to the male gender?
MENstruation, MENopause, MENtal breakdown, GUYnecology, HIMmorrhoids...
