Most viewed jokes

A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. "Have you had any bites?" asked the second man. "Yes, lots," replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes."

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?
→ A beer-a-cuda!

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, One was Russian and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home.
First came the American and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause. Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked:

- Has anyone got a friggin' match?

What do you get when you cross a matzo ball with LSD?
→ A trip to Israel.

How do you sink an Irish submarine?
→ Knock on the hatch.

- Witch: Doctor, I can't help pulling ugly faces.

- Doctor: Well there's nothing terrible about that.

- Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don't like them being pulled.

Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?
→ Cats can't drive!

- Small girl: I'd buy that dog, but his legs are too short!

- Clerk: Too short? Why, all four of them touch the floor.

Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
→ The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

What did the sign on the whore house say?
→ Beat it we are closed