Most viewed jokes

- Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back.

- Will: Pity it's not on her head.

- Man: Haven't we met before?

- Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

- Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

- Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

- Man: Is this seat empty?

- Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

- Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?

- Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

- Man: Your place or mine?

- Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

- Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?

- Woman: It's in the phone book.

- Man: But I don't know your name.

- Woman: That's in the phone book too.

- Man: So what do you do for a living?

- Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

- Man: What sign were you born under?

- Woman: No Parking.

- Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?

- Woman: Do not Enter

- Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

- Woman: Unfertilized !

- Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason

- Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

- Man: I know how to please a woman.

- Woman: Then please leave me alone.

- Man: I want to give myself to you.

- Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

- Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

- Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

- Man: Your body is like a temple.

- Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

- Man: I'd go through anything for you.

- Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

- Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

- Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said:

- No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayerbooks and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said:

- No charge. I consider it a service to the community.

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said:

- No charge. I consider it a service to the country.

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.

An anesthesiologist is a doctor who works in the operating room to delay your pain until such time as you get his bill.

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach.

The marriage counselor told him:

- If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder.

Why are complaints of married people like the noise of the waves on the shore?
→ Because they are murmurs of the tied.

- We have a terrible time making ends meet on Bob's income. - his wife told her best friend.

- How do you two manage? And you even have kids!

- We get along okay - her friend said.

- You see, we work on our budget every evening. That saves us lots of money.

- Really? How can that be?

- Well, by the time we get it all balanced, it's too damn late to go anywhere and do anything!

What's the dumbest part of a man's body?
→ His penis. It has a head without a brain, it swings with two nuts, and it lives right around the corner from an asshole.

Why did the woman cross the road?
→ Who cares? What the hell was she doing out of the kitchen?!!

A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde went on a trip to the desert.

They each brought one item for survival.

The red-head brought water. The blonde asked:

- Why? - The red-head replied:

- To prevent us from dying of thirst.

The brunette brought food. The blonde asked:

- Why? - The brunette replied:

- To prevent us from dying of hunger.

The blonde brought a car door. The red-head and brunette asked:

- Why? - The blonde replied:

- To roll down the window if it gets hot.