Did you hear about the bear hunter?
Well, he was out hunting for bears one day, and soon came across a large, trophy sized bear. He raised his rifle and took careful aim. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, the bear turned and began to speak to him!
- Isn't it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let's negotiate the matter - said the bear.
Lowering his rifle in shock, the hunter thought a second, and then replied:
- I want a fur coat.
A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone.
- Why don't you play with your friends? - he asked.
- Because I only have one friend - the girl replied.
- And I hate her.
One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said:
- God, there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?
God replied:
- Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell.
St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling:
- God, God, they're gone, they're gone!
- Who, the New Yorkers?
- No, the Pearly Gates.
Who turns the lights off at halloween?
→ The light's witch!
What could you do if you were on a desert island without food or water?
→ Open your watch: drink from the spring, and eat the sand which is (sandwiches) there.
How can you identify an Irish pirate?
→ He's the one with patches over both eyes.
What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua?
→ Shorts!
What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog?
→ Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just pants!
- Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a moth.
- So why did you come around then?
- Well, I saw this light at the window...!
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
→ Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
