Most viewed jokes

The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had.

He goes up to the girl and says:

- Little girl, I think that it's wonderful that you're doing such a good thing.

The little girl says:

- Thank you, Mr. Clinton. Would you like a puppy? They're Democrats.

Bill declines and jogs onward.

The next day Billy jogs past the same girl and decides to talk to her again:

- You know what, little girl? I think I'll take one of those puppies after all, seeing as how they're Democrats.

The girl says:

- I'm sorry Mr. Clinton, but they're not Democrats any more. They're Republican now.

Bill says:

- They are? How do you know? As a matter of fact, how did you know that they were Democrats at first to begin with?

She says:

- Well, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open.

Why did the pig go to the casino?
→ To play the slop machine!

What happens if you sing country music backwards?
→ You get your job and your wife back.

What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes?
→ You can't mash Frankenstein.

What do you do with a green monster?
→ Put it in the sun until it ripens!

If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first?
→ The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).

How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ 22, one to screw it in, 21 to shoot the bulb.

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
→ In the pages of a romance novel.

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said:

- You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

- When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.

- You know what?

- What, dear? - his wife asked gently.

- I think you bring me bad luck.