Most viewed jokes

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:

- Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?

The bus driver shakes his head and says:

- No, I'm sorry.

Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters:

- Will it take ME?

10 Blonde Science Fair Projects:

10. Are poisonous snakes really venomous?
11. Is lighter fluid flammable?
12. What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?
13. Are knives sharp?
14. Can sharks hurt a human?
15. What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?
16. Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?
17. Can I go through a brick wall?
18. Can dogs talk?
19. Are blondes really dumb?

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.

They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find her. So the captain sent the old man home with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the ship.

It read:

- Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife had died in the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck, and found an oyster attached to her butt. Inside it was a pearl worth $50,000.

- Please advise?

The old man faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap!

- It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

- Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

- You may not drive barefooted.

- It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.

- It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.

- Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.

- Masks may not be worn in public.

- Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.

- Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

- Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.

- It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

- Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.

- Incestous marriages are legal.

- It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

- You must have windshield wipers on your car.

- You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

- Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.

- Jasper: It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.

- Lee County: It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.

- Mobile: It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels. It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.

- Montgomery: It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

Why do people beat their clocks?
→ To kill time.

What ten letter word starts with g-a-s?
→ Automobile.

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
→ It was a cup draw!

What tea do footballers drink?
→ Penaltea!

- Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?

- Player: I finished it in three days!

What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
→ A forty-carrot wedding ring.

HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.