Guest
Flying Over Poland
How do you know you're flying over Poland?
→ Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.
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Guest
Texan In Toronto
A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver:
- What's that building there?
- That's the Royal York Hotel - replied the cabbie.
- The Royal York? How long did it take to build that? - asked the Texan.
- About 12 years - replied the cabbie.
- 12 years? We build 'em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months.
A while later the cab driver makes his way past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre:
- What's that building over there? - asked the Texan.
- That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre - replied the cabbie.
- Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that? - asked the Texan.
- About three years - replied the cabbie.
- Three years? We build 'em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only takes us about two weeks.
Shortly thereafter the cabbie drives past the CN Tower:
- What's that building there? - asks the Texan, pointing at the tower.
- Danged if I know - replied the cabbie.
- It wasn't here when I drove by yesterday.
Guest
Vampire E-mail Sign-off
What do vampires put at the bottom of their e-mails?
→ Best viscious.
Guest
E-mailing Exam Results
- Pupil: Sir, would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?
- Teacher: But your parents don't have a computer.
- Pupil: Exactly!
Guest
Hound of the Baskervilles
Why does the Hound of the Baskervilles turn round and round before he lies down for the night?
→ Because he's the watchdog and he has to wind himself up.
Guest
Spotted a Chihuahua
- I just spotted a Chihuahua!
- That wasn't very nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!
Guest
Dog Versus Tomato
How can you tell a dog from a tomato?
→ The tomato is red.
Guest
Before Dinner
What do you say to a dog before he eats?
→ Bone appetite!
Guest
Embarrassing An Archeologist
How do you embarrass an archeologist?
→ Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Guest
Blonde's Boyfriend
How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
→ He's the one with the belt buckle that matches the impression in her forehead.