Most viewed jokes

- Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant every day.

- Patron 2: I don't tip, either.

Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day.

Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers.

A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following:

- The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published.

What do you call the everyday routines of rabbits?
→ Rabbits habits.

Why do pigs like February 14th?
→ They get lots of Valenswines.

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

- Everyone knows, that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool - the mother lectured him.

- Oh really? - said the lifeguard - from the diving board!?!?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Beethoven!

- Beethoven who?

- Beethoven is too hot!

What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes?
→ Prankenstein!

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
→ She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.

While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.

As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...

- Tower: Sir, do you need any assistance?

- Cobra: I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.