Most viewed jokes

What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas?
→ As little as possible, dummy!

What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
→ Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!

How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
→ None, the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.

There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.

Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Englishman was thinking:

- The Irish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.

Claudia Schiffer was thinking:

- The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.

The Irishman was thinking:

- This is great! The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that English idiot again.

Why did the dog run in circles?
→ He was a watchdog and needed winding.

How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast?
→ He foamed at the mouth.

When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house?
→ When the door is open.

Why do blondes have orgasms?
→ So they know when to stop having sex.

What do blonde's have against condoms?
→ Their cheeks.

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

- What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!

- I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says...:

- You idiot!

- You're sitting on the mop bucket!