Most viewed jokes

Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
→ That's when the ghosts do their spring screaming!

Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
→ Just spell "Evian" backwards!

- Lee: I just swallowed a fish bone!

- Counselor: Are you choking?

- Lee: No, I'm serious!

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house.

He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife.

- What a terrible weather today, honey. - he said to her.

- Yes. And my idiot went fishing!

I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago. She said:

- it's me or your fishing.

Gee I miss her.

Do you know why the baby Jesus wasn't born in Iowa?
→ They couldn't find three wise men!!!

Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill.
Just before morning the one yelled:

- Mick! I lost me finger!

- Have you now? - says Mick.

- And how did you do it?

- I just touched this big spinning thing here... No! There goes another one!

Why do elephants live in the jungle?
→ Because it's out of the high rent district.

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him:

- My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?

- Well - said the vet.

- let's have a look at him.

The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.

- Well - says the vet.

- I'm going to have to put him down.

- Just because he's cross-eyed? - says the man.

- No, because he's heavy - says the vet.

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.