Most viewed jokes

I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago. She said:

- it's me or your fishing.

Gee I miss her.

Why does the new Polish Navy have glass bottomed boats?
→ So they can see the old Polish Navy!

Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
→ 3 dollars a year for a million years.

What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?
→ The Indy 500.

A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked the first:

- What's your name and address?

- I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address.

The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question:

- I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy.

A little boy came running into the kitchen. He said:

- Dad, dad, there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face.

- Tell him you've already got one - said his father.

Why can't Chihuahuas run marathons?
→ They're short of breath!

What is a dog's favourite food?
→ Anything that is on your plate!

"What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me," he whispered in her ear. "That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward."

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.