Most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes?
→ A swine gut!

Where is the most open green space in New York City?
→ Central Pork

An irate father stormed into the principal's office.

- I demand to know - he screamed.

- why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination.

- Now, don't get excited - said the principal.

- We'll get your Winslow's English teacher in here. I'm sure she has some explanation.

A few minutes later, the English teacher arrived.

- Why did you give Winslow a zero on his English final? - demanded the father.

- I had no choice - said the schoolmarm.

- He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it.

- That's no excuse - shouted the father.

- You could have at least given him an 'A' for neatness!

- Why did you charge me a group rate?

- You've got multiple personalities.

A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"

When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist.
Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said:

- Life isn't worth living. I think I'm gonna top myself.

- Don't be stupid, Joe - said the psychiatrist - My wife ran off and left me too, yet I'm happy.

- How? - asked Joe.

- Easy - replied the quack - I threw myself into my work. I totally submerged myself in my job and soon forgot her. By the way, Joe, what work do you do?

- I clean out septic tanks. - Joe replied.

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?
→ Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

- Knock Knock!

- Who's there?

- Amelia!

- Amelia who?

- Amelia a package last week - did you get it?!

Why didn't King Kong go to Hong Kong?
→ He didn't like Chinese food.