Most viewed jokes

What do young ghosts call their parents?
→ Deady and Mummy.

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks:

- Where are you going?

He replies:

- To the kitchen.

She asks:

- Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?

He replies:

- Sure.

She then asks him:

- Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?

He says:

- No, I can remember that.

She then says:

- Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that.

He says:

- I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.

She replies:

- Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.

With irritation in his voice, he says:

- I don't need to write that down, I can remember that.

He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says:

- You forgot my toast.

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?
→ The knocking always speeds up.

A warrant officer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said:

- If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said:

- If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.

The warrant officer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out:

- If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.

Again the warrant officer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked:

- What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?

The warrant officer said:

- Look I'm an warrant officer. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.

The wedding was over, and the reception was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great time with other members of the wedding party. His wife, Betty was not.

- Don't be to mad at Dave - a friend told her.

- He did a terrific job. I'd be glad to have him usher at my wedding.

- Yeah - Betty replied.

- I wish he had been an usher at mine.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cy

- Cy who?

- Cy'n on the botton line!

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping pong and died. What would they put on his coffin?
→ A lid!

Who is the most popular wizard on the Internet?
→ Har e-potter.

- Have you seen www.smallearthquake.com?

- Yes, its's no great shakes!

What happened when the schoool bully went netsurfing?
→ The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.