Most viewed jokes

- First witch: My beauty is timeless.

- Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.

Last New Year's Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

It was embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said:

- A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead.

The men said they were very sorry to here that and walked away.

The next house they came across a little further down the road there was another woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they walk up to her and asked her why she was crying she said:

- A brick fell from the sky, landed on my dog, and now my dog is dead.

The men said they were very sorry to hear that and walked away.

The next house they came across a little further down the road there was a man laughing his head off.
Wondering what was so funny they went up to ask him.
After they asked him he replied:

- I bent over to get the news paper this morning, I farted and my whole house blew up!

A blonde, brunette and a redhead were all in a swimming race. They were supposed to swim the English Channel.

A group of spectators anxiously awaited the three women at the finish line. The brunette came in first, then the redhead a little later. They waited hours for the blonde to show up. When she finally did, they asked her what had taken her so long.

The blonde was very upset as she screamed:

- This was supposed to be a breast stroke race, and those girls were using their arms!!!

An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life.

- Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.

- Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.

- Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
→ Nobody knows. It has never happened.

How do you blind a woman?
→ Put a windshield in front of her face!

A Polak was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositiories. A week later the Pole complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results.

- Have you been taking them regulary? - the doctor asked.

- What do you think I've been doing, - the Pole said, - Shoving them up my ass?

Dear Sister,

This letter was started by a woman in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented females. Unlike other chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy to 5 of your friends who are equally tired and discontented, then bundle up your husband/boyfriend.

Send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16,877 men and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have.

Do not break the chain.

One woman broke the chain and got her own bastard back.

At this writing a friend of mine has already received 184 men.

They buried her yesterday, but it took 3 undertakers 36 hours to wipe the smile off her face and 3 days to get her legs together to close the coffin.

Have faith!

Liberated woman...

The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them.

The people that use them don't know which side to spit on!