Most viewed jokes

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion.
The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces:

- My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said:

- My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?

The guy says:

- Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!

An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him.

- I'll see, sir, - said the clerk.

- What is your name?

- You're having me on now because I'm Irish, - said the Irishman.

- Won't you see the name on the envelope?

What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters?
→ With love and hisses.

- How can I ever thank you? - gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles.

- My dear woman - lawyer replied:

- Ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that easy question.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Catskills

- Catskills who?

- Catskills mice!

What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre?
→ A spinning wheel!

What pillar doesn't need holding up?
→ A caterpillar!

Did you hear about the Baton Rouge bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends were planning to give her a shower?

Where do mermaids go to see movies?
→ ... The dive-in

The head Counselor gathered all the campers together. To get their attention, the Counselor called out:

- Order! Order!

In a flash someone shouted out:

- Hamburger, coke and fries!