Most viewed jokes

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.

- Doctor: I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.

- St. Peter: That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?

- Nurse: I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.

- St. Peter: Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?

- Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.

- St. Peter: Oh, I see. Please go in.. but you can only stay two nights!

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

- What is the big brass gong and hammer for? - one of his friends asked.

- That is the talking clock, - the man replied.

- How's it work? - the friend asked.

- Watch, - the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall:

- KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM!

A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.

- Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from? - asked the psychiatrist.

- As a matter of fact, I do - said the patient.

- And when does this happen? - asked the psychiatrist.

- Oh - said the patient:

- when I answer the telephone.

What game do you play if you don't take care of your teeth?
→ Tooth (truth) or Consequences.

How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white?
→ BLEEEEEE-YATCH!

Why do artists never win when they play football?
→ They keep drawing!

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked:

- Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?

- Yes - the golfer responded.

- Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?

- Yes, I did. How did you know? - he asked.

- Well - said the policeman very seriously.

- Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?

The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...:

- I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb.

- Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?

- Captain: Well, it could have been worse.

- Manager: How?

- Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!

What's a rabbits' favorite book?
→ Hop on Pop.

What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
→ One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny!