Most viewed jokes

How do rabbits get to work?
→ By rabbit transit!

What did the mama pig say to her bad little piglet?
→ Behave or Frankenswine will get you.

Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business?
→ He couldn't get it off the ground.

- Dad: Why is your January report card so bad?

- Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas!

- Grandma, why don't you drink tea anymore?

- I don't like it ever since that tea bag got stuck in my throat.

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked:

- May I please see your permit?

- I don't have one, - confessed the musician.

- In that case, you'll have to accompany me.

- Splendid! - exclaimed the musician.

- What shall we sing?

What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster?
→ A purple people eater.

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

- Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here.

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

- Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here.

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

- Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but...

- Let me guess - the General interrupted.

- it broke down.

- No - said the G.I.

- there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them.

The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he proposed:

- Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money to provide you with anything your little heart desires.

- Sorry John. - she replied.

- I'm not ready to settle down yet. And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I might see my way clear to rent you some.

A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying:

- Don't unleash the beast in me.

The wife snickered and replied:

- Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse.